Chapter 1 Just a Small Blip The day Blip first received notice he’d been chosen to save the world had started like any other Monday morning. There’d been the usual “Get out of the bathroom, now!” rows and “I’m not eating toast that color!” arguments, then the problem of trying to find why his shoes had vanished and where his homework and school books were, before getting into the car and being driven to school by a very ill-tempered and harassed father. He’d had spent a long and fairly boring day at St. Egbert’s. The only time he’d thought it had been worth going in was at playtime, when he was able to have a few short-lived adventures with his mates James and Jamie. He’d come back from school to the usual greeting of “Have you got any homework?” to which he’d replied with an appalled “No!” as though it was one of the most stupid questions he’d ever heard; but a quick scout through his schoolbag would have shown he was fibbing. After a quick snack, he was out of the house playing on the Semmy with his friends. The ‘Semmy’ was the local cemetery in Willow Grove which, because the local population refused to die at the rate the Council had planned for, had large open unused areas that all the locals treated as a play spot. In the center of the main Semmy field was a large dip. Even on the driest of days it contained enough mud to keep a family of warthogs happy and it was into this that Blip and his friends rolled as they were playing their favorite game—‘Knights of the Round Table.’ Blip’s dad was mad on castles and suits of armor, so Blip had had an interest in that sort of thing from being very young. His real name was Billy Dobbs but when he was very little he could only pronounce it as something that sounded like ‘Blippylob’ and so that’s what the family called him for a time until it got shortened to ‘Blip.’ Now that’s what everybody called him. The name also seemed appropriate because a ‘blip’ means ‘a little squiggle on a straight line,’ so it’s a word that’s used to describe a kind of hiccup in the normal running of things. During Blip’s 12 years of life he’d already encountered several ‘blips.’ He’d been a ‘hole in the heart’ baby and had needed emergency heart surgery. Also the top part of his spine hadn’t formed properly so after having to wear a plaster-cast vest for several years, he had needed another dangerous operation when he was eight. He’d got scoliosis, which means a bending of the spine and so was what people in olden days cruelly used to call a ‘hunchback.’ In fact, his spine was so bent it had threatened his heart and life and the doctors were forced to operate to prevent it from bending anymore. So this meant the spine couldn’t grow much further. So Blip didn’t look like most children of his age because he was very short, very wide and with no neck, his head looked as though it had sunk into his shoulders. As if all that wasn’t enough he had chronic breathing problems since his bent spine and enlarged heart wouldn’t allow his lungs to expand properly. He got out of breath very easily and needed daily medication. “Blip by name and a blip by nature.” his Dad said to his mum. But despite all his health problems, Blip was very bright and full of fun and adventure. At first he’d been upset by the fact people were always staring at him but his dad had once sat him down and talked to him about it. “Don’t let it worry you,” Dad said “they’re only doing it out of interest. They’re just curious. They’ll turn away once they’ve had a look. People always stare at kings and film stars in the same way so just imagine you’re famous and it won’t be too bad.” After that Blip was fine and had grown to be very self-confident and popular at school but not always at home where he was often regarded as a nuisance. The only time Blip was ever called ‘Billy’ was when he was in trouble, which was fairly often. Whenever he was called ‘William’ he knew he was really in trouble—big time. “William!” Blip looked up at his mum. “William! Whatever have you been doing?” Blip looked around in apparent surprise. He’d barely got his foot into the hallway. “What’s up? I’m not late am I? It’s still light.” “It’s nothing to do with late or light.” said his mum, through a mouth that looked as though it had been sucking lemons. “Just look at the state of you!” Blip took three slightly nervous steps sideways until he faced the long hall mirror. He gasped in surprise because though the reflection did as he did, it looked nothing like him. The ‘Thing’ in the mirror looked like a beast out of a horror film—‘The Slime-Covered Man-Eating Body-Gobbler from the Planet Zombie’ or something like that. It was covered from head to foot in greenish brown foul-smelling mud. Peeking through the sludge was a pair of blue eyes, exactly the same shade as Blip’s. You could see the pink of its mouth opened in the same gormless way as Blip’s. He looked at his mum in amazement and pointed to his reflection. “How did that happen?” His mum just flapped her arms hopelessly and shook her head. Blip correctly understood his mum’s gestures to mean ‘Well if you don’t know then I certainly don’t!’ Mum brought a pile of newspapers, spread them onto the floor and instructed Blip to stand on them. “If you move as much as a muscle, you’re dead!” she said, wagging a finger at him. “Wait there till I get the bath ready. And while I’m doing that, take all those filthy clothes off .” If Blip’s face hadn’t been so covered in mud, his mum would have noticed the look of horror on his face. “I can’t get undressed here, everyone will see me.” Mum looked at him with a deep frown. “The only ‘everyone’ that’s around here at the moment are the cats and I’m sure they’re not interested in seeing your bottom. So stop being silly and get those soggy things off ! And make sure none of them get on the carpet.” Mum flounced upstairs to the bathroom while Blip desperately thought of a way out. “How am I supposed to take my clothes off when you’ve just told me not to move a muscle and threatened to execute me if I did?” he called. “Get undressed!” growled his mum and reluctantly Blip started to take his wet and muddy clothes off The weird thing about wet clothes is they appear to get glued to your skin, so although Blip managed to get his trousers off quite easily, when it came to his shirt and jumper it was another matter all together. He pulled, he tugged, he grunted and he groaned, but as he fought to get them off, they fought back, trying to stay on. He finally managed to get them over his head but then they wouldn’t budge and didn’t seem to want to go much further. He had to keep stopping to get his breath back and that didn’t make him feel any better. He struggled for a good five minutes before he emerged hot, grumpy, sweaty and completely naked; to see he’d now acquired an audience. Gavin and Rob, his two elder brothers, were standing there with three of their mates. All of them wore large grins on their faces and started clapping. “Wow, that was great!” said Gavin. “We didn’t know you were training to be an escape artist.” “Now I know what a slug would look like if it had legs!” laughed Rob pointed to Blip’s fat little body. With a howl, Blip fled upstairs and flung himself into the bathroom, bursting through the door, banging into his mother who was leaning over the now filled bath. With a tiny screech, she fell into it, a tidal wave of soapy water pouring over the side, drenching both Blip and the bathroom carpet. “Oops!” said Blip as his mum floundered in the water. The trouble was it looked really funny. Though he realized the seriousness of the situation, and he tried to squeeze his mouth shut with his hand, he couldn’t help a snigger from forcing its way out of his mouth. Mum lay there, her feet hanging over the side of the bath, spitting out soapy water and looking like a drowned rat. As she spoke, little soap bubbles fl oated from her mouth, “WILLIAM!” A short while later, Mum had dried herself off, and though she had not exactly cooled down, at least now she was only smoldering. She wagged a threatening fist a couple of millimeters from Blip’s nose. “Just one more thing today my lad and you’ll be grounded! Now get in the bath.” Just as his mum started to leave, Blip looked around for soap but couldn’t see any. “What am I supposed to use?” he grumbled. Mum said, “I can’t understand it. Where have they all gone? I bought half a dozen bars only last week. What have you been doing, eating them?” Blip was about to comment that they’d probably be tastier than some of her cooking then thought better of it. Mum started rummaging around the bathroom cabinet irritably. “Where are they for goodness sake?” She started pulling out bottles of medicines, old tubes of toothpaste, denture cream, packets of Dad’s razors, and loads of other items that Blip, who sat soaking in the bath, could only guess at. Mum was getting more and more frustrated. She was almost at her wits end when she suddenly said. “That’s strange, now where did this come from?” From the darkest part of the old cabinet, she brought out a small packet. It must have lain there for some time because when she blew on it a great cloud of dust flew off. Mum wiped the packet with a corner of Blip’s towel and read the label. “Bear’s Soap? I can’t remember buying this.” she said. “I always buy Pear’s soap.” “Perhaps you’ve forgotten how to spell.” Ventured Blip from the safety of the bath, “I believe that’s what can happen when you get old.” “In that case, judging from the work I’ve seen in your school books, you must be about ninety.” his mum said. “Oh, very funny!” said Blip, annoyed his mum had come out with such a good reply. She warily gave the soap packet a sniff . “It smells sort of ok, I suppose, anyway it’ll be good enough for getting all that muck off . So get on with it and don’t forget to wash behind your ears, you’ve got enough stuff there to plant roses in.” Mum handed Blip the unopened packet and closed the door. He lay for a time just looking at it. It looked normal other than the writing and style of packaging was perhaps a little old-fashioned. It certainly gave Blip no need for concern, so he felt very comfortable lying in the warm tub. His tummy stuck out of the water like a pink island and he rested the packet on top of it, imagining for a moment or two it was a castle surrounded by a moat. His mum shouted from downstairs. “Don’t be there all day; your dinner will be ready in a few minutes.” With a sigh, Blip lazily held the soap packet and was just about to open it when he noticed there was some faint writing on the side he hadn’t noticed before. He peered very closely at it. He’d taken his glasses off and they were lying on the floor somewhere, so he had to read it without them. The steam rising from the bath didn’t make it any easier to see either. There was a message that appeared to have been hand written in very small letters. It read: “This packet must not be opened until the time is right. May the one who does so before then, be cursed with the burn of the dragon’s breath. Upon the shoulders of the one who the Powers allow, lies the task. This they must follow as their heart and courage decide. Though the path is narrow and full of peril, the rewards will be enough. The hero has been shown to us by a consultation with the angels and with the Jumpers. The name of the chosen one is...” Blip noticed there was a small piece of paper that had been pasted over the rest of the message. It was starting to peel because of the steam. He took one corner, pulled it back, and read “...for him to know and for others to find out.” Blip felt a little disappointed, as for a moment or two he’d thought he’d come across something exciting, but now he realized it was probably just some kind of competition the soap company were running. Judging from the age of the packet, it would have fi nished some time ago anyway. “Ah well!” he said and opened the box. The smell of the soap was so strong it made him pull his head back. “Wow!” he said. “That smells like Grandma Steggles!” Blip’s Grandma loved scents and perfumes but didn’t seem to know when to stop pouring it on. You could smell her coming from three streets away. Blip could see that the soap was a clear golden color, like honey. He pulled it from the packet and then stared at it for a full five minutes, open-mouthed and in complete disbelief! In the center of the soap, just like a fly caught in amber, was a half eaten sausage roll. He called downstairs, “Mum, I’ve just found a half eaten sausage roll in the soap!” There was a minute’s silence before Mum shouted back. “Stop being silly, Blip. I haven’t got time for your tricks today. Now just hurry up and finish your bath, your dinner’s ready. Oh! And empty the bath, will you? Gavin also wants to have a soak later and he doesn’t like bathing in brown sludge.” “Tch! Nobody ever believes me,” thought Blip as he examined the sausage roll-filled bar of soap. “But actually, this could be worth a lot of money. I’ve heard postage stamps can be worth a fortune to a collector if there’s something wrong with them. I wonder if there are people who collect soap bars? If there are, I may be on to a winner.” The idea he might be coming into a fortune filled his imagination and made him tighten his grip on the soap with his wet little hands. But as he squeezed, the soap suddenly shot from his fingers up into the air and he watched as if in slow motion as it hit the ceiling then plummeted down into the steaming bath. It hit the water with a loud ‘Plop!’ and sank to the bottom. Blip started to search around for it but as soon as he got near he began to feel a strange tingling in his fingers. The bath water began to bubble and gurgle and it rapidly changed color from brown to red to green to purple to yellow to white to black, in fact to all the shades of the rainbow and even to some colors he’d never seen before. With a shriek, Blip jumped out of the bath, half expecting to find part of him had been eaten away. But he saw with relief he was still all in one piece. Then a green, smelly cloud began to pour from the water and filled the bathroom so quickly Blip could hardly see in front of him. The bubbling noises carried on for a moment or two and then began to change. At first, it sounded as though a giant was slurping a huge length of spaghetti, then what seemed to be a series of very long burps, some even ruder sounds followed and then a POP! Then silence. Blip peered into the bath, wafting the mist away with his hands. All the bath water was gone. The sides of the bath were now caked with thick, brownish grime that just wouldn’t scrape off and on the bottom of it laid the sausage roll, no longer encased in the soap which had now completely dissolved. The sausage roll had grown to the size of a rugby ball and when Blip picked it up it was really heavy. “William! What are you doing up there? Come down for your tea at once!” Mum yelled from the bottom of the stairs. Blip was just about to say he’d only be a minute when the sausage roll began to vibrate and make a strange humming sound. With a yelp, he burst out of the bathroom and fled downstairs into the living room. It was only when he got there that he realized, not only was he stark naked and surrounded by a green, smelly swirl of fog, but he was also still clutching the sausage roll which was growing in size all the time. The family just stared, unable to believe their eyes. Blip stood there, starkers, dripping wet, holding out the now groaning sausage roll. He went over to the table where they were all sat having their meal and held it out for them to see. “Look what I’ve just found!” he said. As he did, the roll burst open and gallon upon gallon of dirty bathwater poured out over everybody and everything! The meal was flushed onto the floor. Mum fainted, floated away on a river of the smelly liquid out through the open French windows and into the garden. The two family cats that had been sitting by the table in hope of catching scraps now fled to safety up Dad’s legs and chest where they both scratched and clawed his face fighting with each other to sit on top of his head. Gavin and Rob thought this was all very funny until they both got a mouthful of the foul liquid and then promptly threw up all over the carpet. Blip just stood there aghast. He looked down to the sausage roll which was still pouring out gallons of the mucky stuff, when he noticed it was getting smaller and lighter. Soon the torrent reduced to a trickle and the roll began to crumble in his hands. As it slowly dissolved, he began to see it contained a small piece of parchment and when the roll finally disappeared only this remained. None of his family noticed any of this, Mum was still out cold in the garden, Dad was fighting to get the cats out of his hair and the two boys were in competition with each other to see who could bring up the most vomit. Blip opened the small piece of parchment that was rolled up tightly into a scroll. Th e message seemed to be by the same hand that had written on the side of the soap packet and it read: Congratulations, Blip! You are the one. The fate of the world will soon lie in your hands and the pathway will be yours to travel. Prepare to receive further instructions. You will be contacted shortly. Do not ignore the signs. Farewell! P.S. If your name isn’t Blip, you are not the hero, so ignore this message and pretend you never read it. “Well, I’ve never read such rubbish in all my life!” exclaimed Blip. Then to his dismay, as though it was angry at his disbelief, the note seemed to jump from his hand and burst into flames like a firecracker, sending a shower of fiery sparks all over the dining room. The sparks appeared to be made of hot cinders, as they landed, they left little scorch marks. Several of the cinders landed on the cats still fighting on top of Dad’s head. With a squall they jumped free, giving him a few more face scratches on the way, then streaked out into the garden, right over Mum’s unconscious figure and through the hedge. It was over two weeks before they were seen again. Blip seemed to come out of a daze and saw his dad and brothers were now jumping, howling, hopping and yowling, slapping each other across the body and face. For a brief moment or two, he thought it was a strange time for them to be trying out a new type of dance, until he realized they were attempting to put out hot cinders that had fallen on them. Seeing this was a chance of a lifetime, he dashed over and started thumping his two brothers as hard as he could. “Ow! Ow! Stop it! What’d’ya think your doing!” yelled Gavin, clutching his leg. Blip had just been pummeling it. “I’m only trying to put out the cinders.” Blip said, trying to sound as innocent as he could. “Well don’t! I can do it myself, thank you very much!” cried Gavin, his face spotted with small burns, making it look as though he’d got the measles. In fact, looking around, Blip saw that it appeared as if an epidemic had hit the house. Dad’s face was the most interesting. With the combination of the cat scratches and the burn spots, it looked as if his face had been wallpapered. Blip was impressed. He also noticed large chunks of Dad’s hair were no longer on his head but were now lying all over the carpet and he now had an interesting assortment of pock-marked bald spots. “You look a bit of a mess.” said Blip sympathetically. Dad and the boys seemed to be confused, not seeming to know where they were. “W-W-What happened?” stammered Rob. “Why’s everything wet? And where are your clothes, Blip?” said his dad, absentmindedly trying to stick some of his hair back on. “Ouch! Oooh! Who’s been letting off fireworks in the house?” said Gavin, gingerly touching the burn marks on his face. They all appeared to be in a state of shock and Blip realized somehow the explosion had made them forget what had happened, so he pretended to wander about and to be as confused as they were. Just then his Mum staggered in from the garden, dripping wet, covered in muddy slime and with broken flower stems sticking out of her matted hair. She looked around at the chaotic mess of her dining room and at the state of everybody. She spat some soggy leaves from her mouth. “I don’t know what’s happened. I don’t know how I came to be lying flat out, in the garden. I don’t know how the room got to be in this state or why Blip’s standing there as naked as the day he was born while the rest of you look as though you’ve been playing next to a volcano. But, I’ll stake my life on who’s responsible! WILLIAM! You’re grounded!”